This is what I have heard and seen, is it general experience?
Is there something we could or should do to change this so that people
can live nearer their work, put less burden on transport, and waste
less time?

Well, I hate to say it, but

1) I pay a fair price for transport (in fact car drivers pay 6 times
more per mile then the cost of the roads - £30bn on petrol tax + VED,
5bn on road funding), so there shouldnt be any burden. It's like
macdonalds saying "we are selling too many burgers, how can we reduce
the burden".
2) It's my time to waste. If I want to spend 2 hours commuting, then I
will, thats my choice. The government, as big and intrusive as it is,
still has no rights to tell me how to spend my time. If I want to do 3
laps of the M25 every night, then thats my freedom. I'd pay for the
damage to the road, many many times.