Just to lighten the mood, from 'The Age' newspaper in Melbourne:

"Brace thyselves for Pram Wars

The new breed of pavement Panzers are gearing up for the ultimate
showdown, a terrified Jim Schembri reports.

Having legally procured their Class 3 armoured vehicle licence from
the Department of Defence, my good friend Donna and her husband
invited me to accompany them on an important mission to assist with
some advice regarding the purchase of a new pram.

As dictated by the 1998 International Pram Design Protocol, all prams
must: (1) provide safe carriage for the child, including an
appropriate level of weather protection; (2) house the child in
comfort, with particular emphasis on the provision of adequate head
support; and (3) be capable of crashing through a solid
two-metre-thick concrete barrier with minimal damage to the chassis.

Being new parents, my friends were eager to ensure the wellbeing of
their child and so secure the model best suited to the brutal wartime
conditions currently prevailing throughout the malls, footpaths and
jogging tracks of suburbia.

We visited many pram showrooms, closely inspecting the titanium-
reinforced structures and roll-bar integrity of the latest models.

Donna was particularly tenacious when inquiring about blast tolerances
and displacement capacity in the event of a surprise attack. I was
impressed. The girl had done her homework, having studied the
must-have reference tome for all modern parents, Jane's Prams,
Strollers and Other Heavy Assault Vehicles.

Dismissed outright were the rickety single-seat pushers with the tiny
wheels and collapsible frames. Their previous pram had been such a
model and proved a disaster when the side armour plating gave way
after being sideswiped by an A-412 Rock Crusher in a cinema foyer
following a crybaby session. As the structure collapsed, they barely
had time to grab the child and jump clear before the pram exploded in
a fireball of twisted metal and shattered baby rattles.

What they needed was a counter-weighted frame capable of withstanding
both side and rear assaults, with angled armour shielding to deflect
any hostile contact with an enemy pram.

Then came the crucial decision: three wheels or four? True, with three
wheels came the manoeuvrability needed during jousting sessions with
other mothers in supermarket aisles. Four wheels, however, provided
the stability and sheer anterior force required during the type of
close-quarters combat encountered at child-care centres and stocktake
sales.

After much discussion they settled on the D-243 Advanced Assault Pram,
with side missile launchers, spiked wheel guards and twin M2
..50-calibre machine-gun turret (see fig.1). It was a wise choice.

What my friends were, of course, preparing themselves for was the
coming Pram Apocalypse, the prophetic signs of which are all around
us.

As their designs have grown more robust and threatening, prams have
gradually claimed the unquestioned right of way along all concourses,
footpaths and jogging tracks. Upon seeing an approaching pram,
pedestrians automatically dance a frantic twostep to make room,
knowing full well the pram shall neither slow down, budge nor deviate
one millimetre from its chosen course to allow for any non-pram
entity.

When confronted by the formidable bulk of double-seated prams, hapless
pedestrians have no option but to either take refuge in a shop doorway
or risk life and limb by leaping onto the road. The advent of two
dual-seater prams side-by-side on a beachside path, however, presents
an unopposable juggernaut, forcing people to jump into the sea lest
they be crushed beneath bulletproof steel-belted tyres.

Yet while their dominance over pedestrians is secure, there has for
some years been a rising tension between the three-wheel and
four-wheel breeds. Prams of like undercarriage gracefully make way for
each other, but when prams of different classes come face-to-face the
question arises - who shall submit?

What typically occurs is a bout of Pram Chicken, with the adversaries
swerving only at the last second to avoid collision. As they pass each
other there is the ritual exchange of contemptuous sneering - an
acknowledgement that one day soon they shall face each other in
combat.

We know not where or when Pram Apocalypse shall come - but come it
must.

All we can do is pray that we will have time to leap out of the way as
the opposing battalions of prams advance towards each other with
gathering speed along that great Jogging Track of Destiny to settle
once and for all which wheeled beast shall forevermore be Master of
the Footpath."
Image at http://putfile.com/pic.php?pic=7/18107514164.jpg&s=x3

From
http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinio...?oneclick=true