A major flood hit on Monday evening .

Epicent Rotherham, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000
racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly
muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several
priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearic Isles and the
Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical
burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station
RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother
of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little
Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins,
Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking
when I was watching Kilroy the next morning". Locals were determined not
to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals,
rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities
of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the
victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sports socks
Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark


Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your
efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:
22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
75p buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
£5.50 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's
nerves


Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing
will cause residents to believe they have been forcibly relocated to
Sheffield


--
Edward Cowling "Must Go - Eternity Beckons !!"