John Rowland ) gurgled happily,
sounding much like they were saying :

Nah, what you need is http://www.tanksforsale.co.uk/BMP1/BMP1.htm

Get in that, and just watch the traffic miraculously clear around you...

There's a tank parked in School Lane in Pinner.

Pinner. It's not quite where you'd imagine, is it?

I don't know if it ever drives around. Are they allowed on the roads? I
would have thought the tracks would destroy the road surface.

No idea - but there's a special driving licence class (H), so presumably.
Besides, what are they going to do? Wheelclamp it?